"I will walk humbly all my years
because of this anguish of my soul.
Lord, by such things men live;
and my spirit finds life in them too."
Anguish. It is not a pleasant thing to experience. In fact, that is quite the understatement. Anguish is painful. Horrible. Completely and utterly heartbreaking.
But I want more of it.
Something inside of me longs to truly understand the truth of our world. My heart wants to ache with God's heart at evil. Hurt when I see injustice. Break at the pain. Feel anger at sin.
Because when I experience anguish, I am forced to "walk humbly," knowing that God is in control and that I am completely incapable of accomplishing anything. I hurt and mourn and ache... but in the end, I must give it to God or else I couldn't survive the pain. In anguish, there is surrender.
When I experience anguish, I know things that are worth knowing. My mind isn't focused on clothes or money or friends or my selfish needs and wishes. It can't be. I know hard truths that move me from complacency to action; from fear to courage; from doubt to faith. I cannot stay where I am. In anguish, there is change.
When I experience anguish, I have purpose. Faced with hard truth, my focus moves from within to without. There is nothing so strong as a deep desire to change; change myself and change my world. "Lord, by such things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too." In anguish, there is life!
It is not easy. It is not fun. Sometimes, it hurts so bad I can barely breathe, much less act. But I would rather live in anguish than complacency. I would rather ache than feel nothing. I would rather follow God with all the ups and downs and twists and turns of life, knowing He is there, than face the world alone.
What brings you anguish? Here are just some of the things that cause anguish for me.
147 Million orphans living alone.
A young woman giving up her life to change lives.
An unthinkable evil that still exists today.
Precious children who live on "borrowed time."
47 million babies... dead.
What is God calling YOU to feel anguish for?